Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
