He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
