Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
