if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
