So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
