im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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