If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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