we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
