I'm lost and stupid without you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
