there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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