Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
