i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
