Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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