I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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