The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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