I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
