i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
