You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
