if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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