exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
