Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
