11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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