We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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