your room smells of hookers.
And success
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
