I can tuck mytits in my pants
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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