Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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