I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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