Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
