You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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