I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
