Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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