i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
