I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
