When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
