Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
