The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
