He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
