o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
