The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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