She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
