what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
