You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
its liver damage thursday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
