can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
