Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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