..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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