he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
