a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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