a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
