I need help removing her.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
