i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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