This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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