1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
