I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
