He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My vagina is officially offended.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
