don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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