1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
